Year End Word Review - JOY

As we come to the end of another year, I'm beginning to search for my new word of the year.  This year's word was HOME.  I think I did well with it.  A lot of things happened, but I tried to keep up with keeping my home up...and the people in it.

I thought for sure I already had my new word of the year, JOY.  Since I've been looking for it for months and searching my life for it, I figured it would be the perfect fit.  Then something happened.

When I used to receive communion at Mass, I would say a couple prayers, and then see what everyone wore to Mass that day.  Isn't that what everyone does?  I would make my judgements on short skirts, mismatched clothes, how dressed "down" they were. I'm a bit ashamed to admit that, but it's the truth.  Through my Carmel classes, I've learned that those moments after communion are when Jesus and I are closest.

Now after communion, I kneel and close my eyes until everyone else is done receiving.  During this time, I picture a small hill and myself climbing to the top.  When I get to the top, there's a garden overlooking the ocean.  As I turn to my right, Jesus is sitting there on a bench.  We greet each other and sit and talk.  Sometimes if we both like the music playing, we'll sing.  Sometimes we don't say anything and just sit with one another.  I also picture this when I pray at other times, not just after communion.

It was at Mass a week ago or may a couple, that we had a nice talk about joy.  Mind you I have been praying about this topic for months, but I never asked His opinion during one of our meetings.  I don't think I asked this time, but I brought up the topic.  Here is what Jesus said to me about joy.

"Nora, I find it so funny that you think joy is something that can be lost or found.  You always have joy.  It's when you lend it out to things of this world, that it feels lost to you.  You lend it to what you think is important at the time, something you're trying to control at that moment.  Sometimes you lend it to Satan when you listen to his lies about your lack of worth, your awful mothering and feeds your doubts and failures.  Focus on Me.  Stay with Me."

In true self-centered fashion, my response to Him was, "You couldn't tell me this two months ago?"  He chuckled.  He told me that I'm too hard on myself.  There was more, but some things are just between me and the Big Guy.  

I'm telling you all this in hopes that it'll help you in some way.  Peace and Joy to you this Christmas!  Now...still looking for my word for next year...