Ramblings

A friend of mine told me a quote:

"It's amazing what God can do if you get out of His way."

There's a rumor going around that I can be controlling.  I'm shocked.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed at all the lessons God is trying to throw at me at once.  That reminds me of anything quote of Him trusting me too much.  Along with my joy, I think God is trying to get me to let go, to get out of His way, to pray, to hope, and to not worry.  

I went to a beautiful Ordination last weekend.  The cathedral was filled all for one man answering God's call.  This quote of getting out of the way is from this man's mom.  I trust fully that she knows what she is talking about.  Coincidentally, she was also my Carmelite teacher when I was just entering the order.  She radiates God's peace.  I want some of that.

It's easy to talk this way when the kids are in bed, and I have a moment to collect my thoughts.  During the crazy day, all this is forgotten.  It's a moment to moment hustle.  I'm constantly muttering under my breath asking God what good can come from flat tires before bike rides, another fight to referee, a spill on the floor I just cleaned 10 minutes earlier.  Endurance.  Perseverance.  If these things break me, I might as well hand over my soul to the devil.  Maybe in these moments instead of muttering my questions and complaints, I should just sigh a thank You.  Thank You for my crazy life and these crazy characters you've enTRUSTed to me.  Don't worry.  Remember, God's got this. 

Joy Journey

I had a mom's night out with some co-op moms to make materials for a class I teach.  It was a lot of copying, coloring, cutting, and laminating.  Tedious work goes so much faster when gabbing with friends.  I made sure to stop in the moment and appreciate these ladies helping me.  I wanted to grumble and stay home, but I was bringing all the work, so I had to go.  There were young moms there seeking advice for juggling kids and homeschooling, and older ones sharing their vast knowledge.  It was beautiful to see.

On my joy journey, I'm realizing that I can't just wait for the joy to come to me or suddenly realize it in the moment.  I have to search, seek, and even create it sometimes.  Being a pessimist, I am not one who naturally knows how to do this.  I do know that when I am determined to do something, I can achieve it.  For example, I probably shouldn't have just called myself a pessimist.  ;)  I have the heart to change.  I have the will to change.  Now, I just need to do the work when my ego gets in the way, when my patience vanishes, when my stress wins.  

At the end of each day I ask myself, "If I died today, what would my kids say I was like today?  What would they remember?"  I try to wake up the next day and change whatever answers I didn't like.  

This morning in Mass, the priest was joking with people asking if they could name the 50 states.  He pointed to Rory and said, "I bet you know them."  I mentioned a song they both knew and promptly made Rory and Logan stand up and sing it.  They did great and everyone applauded.  After Mass a man asked me if they were homeschooled.  When I replied that they were, he said, "I thought so."  For a while I felt so good about myself and the kids, and that's when it hit me.  This wasn't my credit to take.  My kids learned and memorized this song and sang it.  

The joy I'm seeking is not mine to take.  It comes from God, and He gives as He wills.  I can see it, seek it, and create it, through Him in me.  How else would I even know joy but through Him?  I'm so excited to be growing in Him.

Father's Day

We had a pretty busy weekend.  Saturday we went to my parent's, and Sunday we went to the in-laws.  We tried to have Kevin rest for his father's day, but that's nearly impossible with him.  He's one to not want to be fussed over.  This will probably not make him happy, but here are some reasons Kevin is a great dad.

• He's the "fun" one.  He constantly plays with the kids to the point where they can't breathe.  This normally happens right before bedtime.  ;)  Want to go for a bike ride?  Hike?  Walk?  He's your guy.
• He works hard everyday to provide for us.  Hopefully things are slowing down for summer now, but there have been calls in the middle of the night, on the weekends, and even some all-nighters.  
• He's always willing to teach something new to the kids.  He loves explaining things, which helps in homeschooling.  
• He genuinely wants the best for everyone even if it means he's left at the bottom of the barrel.
• He loves being a dad.

We're lucky to have him!

Pool Party

Yesterday we had a pool party for Rory and Logan and kids from our co-op.  Rory's birthday was May and Logan's is in July, so we decided to do a combo thing.  Everything was ready, we had 40 people swimming, and it was raining when we woke up.  A quick weather check assured the rain would stop, but it was still sprinkling on the way to the pool.  Three families had canceled, and it was not looking good.  We were bound to make the best of it even if we were all huddled under the pavilion as it poured.  

As people starting arriving, the rain stopped.  There was a talk about sunscreen, and I applied some to the girls but not Logan.  He was at the pool entrance directing people in.  As his friends got there, he just jumped in the pool.  Kevin waited until it was warmer, and then he got in and played hard with all the kids.

I didn't get in.  It wasn't hot enough.  I stayed talking with the other co-op moms.  It was nice to see everyone outside of school.  We even got good news that one of the boys from Logan's class, who was said to be leaving next year, is staying.  Logan was so happy.  

The food went off without a hitch.  It was mostly gluten free for the families there.  The sun came out, and it heated up.  A good time was had by all, even the older girls (Kaelyn + a friend, Sam, and Nik) joined the fun.  People seemed to have had a good time.  The kids requested non-perishable food items for the church's food pantry.  They're so excited to drop them off at church tomorrow.  

It was a great time, and now I feel like my summer can officially begin.  Oh, and the no sunscreen thing, whoops!

 The elders

 One of Rory's friends

 This is Rory!

Nikki underwater.  Get it?!

Again with the Joy

I recently discovered a new prayer method that seems to be working.  Instead of praying for people/situations to change, I've started praying for God to show me His joy everyday.  And it's working!  Friends are sending joy notes, and I seem to hear the word whenever it's said by whomever is saying it.  I take these as little joy notes from God, kind of like a pat on the back that I'm on the right path.  I think about what the kids will say about me if I die. Will they say she was full of joy?  Probably not right now, but I hope so as I keep working on it.  I pray for my voice to become softer and God's joy to become stronger, my controlling to subside and God's joy to abound, my anger to vanish and God's joy be all that's left.  

I had my Carmelite meeting today.  Guess what the topic was?  Joy in the Religious Life.  It was a wonderful talk.  When I was on my way out, I was walking with a gentleman from the group.  I told him how I started praying for God's joy instead of trying to change things that I didn't think were going well in my life.  He said that it was a serendipitous talk for me then, and I agreed.  He told me to look up the original Serenity Prayer that the Alcoholic's Anonymous Serenity Prayer is taken from.  He said it's a really good prayer in it's entirety.  I didn't even know there was more to it.  Here it is.

Ain't that something?  

Joyful Day

The kids and I decided to take advantage of the cooler weather today and went strawberry picking.  We tried a new place.  The directions I had printed out were convoluted, and it took us forever to get there.  Luckily we arrived without too much of a crowd there already.  I was immediately put off by the place because there were no clear signs of where to park or how to get to the fields, or even where the fields were.  Then I had to pay a dollar per picker.  Our other picking place doesn't make us do that.  :/  We boarded a tractor that had school bus seating.  I told the kids to soak it up because it was probably their only chance to experience a real bus seat.  Once we got everything settled and to the fields, the strawberries were aplenty and delicious.  We divided and conquered with the kids eating more than their $1 share to pick in the first place, so I felt better.

Upon our arrival back to the market, there were people EVERYWHERE.  I'm so glad I'm anal and like to get to places like this when they first open.  The market was wonderful with freshly baked goodies and cheap, good fruit.  We picked up some extras and headed out.  The kids say that these strawberries are better than the ones where we normally pick, but given how close the other one is and no picking fee, we'll probably stick with that one.  This was a nice try.  

I had to run into school for a bit for a meeting, but it was good and uneventful.  We got some things done and figured out for next year which is a relief.  When I got back home, we headed out for a short trail ride just down the street again.  Logan has been coming to me a lot to have deep talks about faith and other things.  We were bringing up the rear of the bike pack discussing some things today.  He likened life to a bike ride.  Sometimes the path is smooth and easy, but other times it's rocky and throws you off.  I thought it was very philosophical for a 9yo.  I agreed with him and we talked more about how it's a two-person bike, and that Jesus is the front rider.  How sometimes when there's a big hill, we'll have to walk it, and sometimes we'll just get thrown off the bike, and that at these times, we are to trust God and get back up and let him pedal for us.  

There's a bit of a hill back up to our house, and Logan hasn't been able to do all of it without having to walk some of it when he gets near the top.  I hooted and hollered behind him today, and he made it all the way to the top.  He was so excited!  I was so excited!  When I asked him a little later if he was so proud of himself, he said, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  My heart melted.  

Joy abounds.

Almost a Year Later Daybook

Outside my window...
It's hot.  Summer has arrived, but we're coming into a couple of cooler temp days.  Can't wait.  I dislike sweating unless I'm doing it on purpose to burn calories, and even then I don't like it that much.  ;)

Giving thanks...
for timely messages, kind words, sudden smiles, and always love.

In the Schoolroom...
We are doing morning time, which is when we try to do certain "school-ish" things.  For instance, we're memorizing Shakespeare, memorizing Matthew Ch. 5 (yes, the whole thing), studying Fra Angelico, and drawing the United States.  We don't do all these things every morning, but we work in more of a rotation of these things.  We try to always do math and reading on a daily basis.

From the kitchen...
We spent way too much money eating out in the month of May, so we're pulling back and cooking at home.  We've had some great dinners, all six of us!

I am creating...
an Atrium.  I facilitate Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, and we're trying to create an atrium this summer.  This involves making materials, buying furniture, lots of painting, cutting, pasting, blood, sweat, and tears.  It's going to be beautiful.

I don't ever want to forget...
Kaelyn being upset that I wasn't home one day when she came in cuz she wanted to tell me all about her day.  Rory in her first messy pull-through ponytail looking so grown up.  Logan so proud of himself for learning to ride his bike, and still seeing that face whenever he rides.  Marley's cheese smile, which is all you see now, cuz she always smiles like she means it.  I don't think she would even know what a fake one is.

I am working on...
trusting God.  It's a hard long process, but I'm seeing the fruits of it.  

I am reading...
Redwall by Brian Jacques as our read aloud before bed.  I started it during the school year and put it down as school books were assigned.  Marley doesn't listen in because she doesn't like the book.  The other night I saw Kevin pick it up to read ahead.  I told him to stop, and he complained that I read it without him since he didn't know what was going on.  :)

I am praying...
for special intentions, for my kids to not have any nightmares at night (their request), for my friend to experience motherhood again, for all my friends who are pregnant.

I am hearing...
a storm raging outside and quiet kids scared of it.

Around the house...
I've been getting some cleaning done.  I have a lot more to do, but I've made some progress already this summer.  My next project is tackling yard work.  Ugh

One of my favorite things...
riding bikes with everyone.  It's always a ton of fun even when we're just moseying around our back yard road.

A few plans for next week...
Carmel, a birthday bash, rest.

A picture thought...

We hiked at Harper's Ferry.  My kids are not hikers.  More to come to that story.

Thanks to my friend, Courtney, who inquired about Daybooks today making me think of doing one.