Double Digit Logan

My middle little is 10 years old.  While I thought hoped boys would be less drama, Logan is coming into his own.  He's normally cool cucumber, but lately he's been showing signs of anxiety.  Hopefully it doesn't progress into more drama because I don't know how much more I can take.  Here are some pics of his ten-ness so far.

Of course the boys are back in town from Canada, so we had the annual birthday blow out with the three of them.

We let him light his own candles under the careful supervision of our resident pyro.  

And because of his newfound love of biking, his bike wasn't able to keep up, so a new sturdier one was gifted for his birthday.

Happy birthday, Log!  Loving my laid-back, lacksaidaical, loyal, laughing, light-hearted, logical, law-abiding, lively, lucky Logan, literally.  

The Art of Mothering

Guess who's in town?!  SEESTER!  She got in Friday, which was the last day of VBS.  We also had my niece staying with us that week, so we weren't able to get to see them until Saturday.  The kids were playing together in no time in the pool out back.  Lunch was had, electronics were flowing, things were well.  

Marley had come to sit on my lap because her tummy was upset.  I was at the dining room table talking to my mom, and she threw up.  It was all over the rug, my jeans, Marley's foot, ugh.  My mom and Kevin jumped right up to get towels and start cleaning up.  

Hoping it was a one time thing, the kids and I headed to confession without Marley and Kevin.  By the time we got back, food was ready to be picked up, and I dropped the kids off and picked up Kevin.  We got a text that Marley had thrown up again while waiting for the food.  

We ate and started home.  Marley threw up in the car.  Once home she went straight to bed, as did Kevin and I thinking we would be up a lot throughout the night.  She surprisingly slept straight through and started to throw up again that morning.  We all had tickets to go with both sisters and cousins to a baseball game.  Marley asked me to stay with her, so Kevin took Rory and Logan.  

While sitting on the couch with Marley, I realized that this was the perfect chance to get caught up on laundry, make some meals, tidy up, etc.  In the middle of all this, she would ask for a drink every now and then because she could only have a tsp. of ginger ale or apple juice every 20 minutes.  When she seemed to be feeling better, I asked what she wanted to try and eat.  She started to rub her eyes crying and said, "What I really want, I can't have."  I asked what that was, and she replied, "For you to sit here and cuddle with me."  It took the breath right out of me.  

She wanted me because when you're sick, you want your mommy.  Instead I was running all over the house trying to get things done instead of cuddling and caring for her.  Sure I was giving her drink and food, but I forgot about the love and attention kids need when sick.  I stopped what I was doing and sat with her the rest of the day.  We painted our nails, colored, and read books.  

I read a quote this morning that stopped me in my tracks.  I'm big on HAVING to serve my family because that's God's will for me.  Just like Marley being sick, I missed the mark on my service to my family too.  Here's the quote:

"I pray that you will understand the words of Jesus, 'Love one another as I have loved you.'  Ask yourself, 'How has He loved me?  Do I really love others in the same way?'  Unless this love is among us, we can kill ourselves with work and it will only be work, not love.  Work without love is slavery."

-Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Ramblings

A friend of mine told me a quote:

"It's amazing what God can do if you get out of His way."

There's a rumor going around that I can be controlling.  I'm shocked.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed at all the lessons God is trying to throw at me at once.  That reminds me of anything quote of Him trusting me too much.  Along with my joy, I think God is trying to get me to let go, to get out of His way, to pray, to hope, and to not worry.  

I went to a beautiful Ordination last weekend.  The cathedral was filled all for one man answering God's call.  This quote of getting out of the way is from this man's mom.  I trust fully that she knows what she is talking about.  Coincidentally, she was also my Carmelite teacher when I was just entering the order.  She radiates God's peace.  I want some of that.

It's easy to talk this way when the kids are in bed, and I have a moment to collect my thoughts.  During the crazy day, all this is forgotten.  It's a moment to moment hustle.  I'm constantly muttering under my breath asking God what good can come from flat tires before bike rides, another fight to referee, a spill on the floor I just cleaned 10 minutes earlier.  Endurance.  Perseverance.  If these things break me, I might as well hand over my soul to the devil.  Maybe in these moments instead of muttering my questions and complaints, I should just sigh a thank You.  Thank You for my crazy life and these crazy characters you've enTRUSTed to me.  Don't worry.  Remember, God's got this. 

Joy Journey

I had a mom's night out with some co-op moms to make materials for a class I teach.  It was a lot of copying, coloring, cutting, and laminating.  Tedious work goes so much faster when gabbing with friends.  I made sure to stop in the moment and appreciate these ladies helping me.  I wanted to grumble and stay home, but I was bringing all the work, so I had to go.  There were young moms there seeking advice for juggling kids and homeschooling, and older ones sharing their vast knowledge.  It was beautiful to see.

On my joy journey, I'm realizing that I can't just wait for the joy to come to me or suddenly realize it in the moment.  I have to search, seek, and even create it sometimes.  Being a pessimist, I am not one who naturally knows how to do this.  I do know that when I am determined to do something, I can achieve it.  For example, I probably shouldn't have just called myself a pessimist.  ;)  I have the heart to change.  I have the will to change.  Now, I just need to do the work when my ego gets in the way, when my patience vanishes, when my stress wins.  

At the end of each day I ask myself, "If I died today, what would my kids say I was like today?  What would they remember?"  I try to wake up the next day and change whatever answers I didn't like.  

This morning in Mass, the priest was joking with people asking if they could name the 50 states.  He pointed to Rory and said, "I bet you know them."  I mentioned a song they both knew and promptly made Rory and Logan stand up and sing it.  They did great and everyone applauded.  After Mass a man asked me if they were homeschooled.  When I replied that they were, he said, "I thought so."  For a while I felt so good about myself and the kids, and that's when it hit me.  This wasn't my credit to take.  My kids learned and memorized this song and sang it.  

The joy I'm seeking is not mine to take.  It comes from God, and He gives as He wills.  I can see it, seek it, and create it, through Him in me.  How else would I even know joy but through Him?  I'm so excited to be growing in Him.

Father's Day

We had a pretty busy weekend.  Saturday we went to my parent's, and Sunday we went to the in-laws.  We tried to have Kevin rest for his father's day, but that's nearly impossible with him.  He's one to not want to be fussed over.  This will probably not make him happy, but here are some reasons Kevin is a great dad.

• He's the "fun" one.  He constantly plays with the kids to the point where they can't breathe.  This normally happens right before bedtime.  ;)  Want to go for a bike ride?  Hike?  Walk?  He's your guy.
• He works hard everyday to provide for us.  Hopefully things are slowing down for summer now, but there have been calls in the middle of the night, on the weekends, and even some all-nighters.  
• He's always willing to teach something new to the kids.  He loves explaining things, which helps in homeschooling.  
• He genuinely wants the best for everyone even if it means he's left at the bottom of the barrel.
• He loves being a dad.

We're lucky to have him!

Pool Party

Yesterday we had a pool party for Rory and Logan and kids from our co-op.  Rory's birthday was May and Logan's is in July, so we decided to do a combo thing.  Everything was ready, we had 40 people swimming, and it was raining when we woke up.  A quick weather check assured the rain would stop, but it was still sprinkling on the way to the pool.  Three families had canceled, and it was not looking good.  We were bound to make the best of it even if we were all huddled under the pavilion as it poured.  

As people starting arriving, the rain stopped.  There was a talk about sunscreen, and I applied some to the girls but not Logan.  He was at the pool entrance directing people in.  As his friends got there, he just jumped in the pool.  Kevin waited until it was warmer, and then he got in and played hard with all the kids.

I didn't get in.  It wasn't hot enough.  I stayed talking with the other co-op moms.  It was nice to see everyone outside of school.  We even got good news that one of the boys from Logan's class, who was said to be leaving next year, is staying.  Logan was so happy.  

The food went off without a hitch.  It was mostly gluten free for the families there.  The sun came out, and it heated up.  A good time was had by all, even the older girls (Kaelyn + a friend, Sam, and Nik) joined the fun.  People seemed to have had a good time.  The kids requested non-perishable food items for the church's food pantry.  They're so excited to drop them off at church tomorrow.  

It was a great time, and now I feel like my summer can officially begin.  Oh, and the no sunscreen thing, whoops!

 The elders

 One of Rory's friends

 This is Rory!

Nikki underwater.  Get it?!

Again with the Joy

I recently discovered a new prayer method that seems to be working.  Instead of praying for people/situations to change, I've started praying for God to show me His joy everyday.  And it's working!  Friends are sending joy notes, and I seem to hear the word whenever it's said by whomever is saying it.  I take these as little joy notes from God, kind of like a pat on the back that I'm on the right path.  I think about what the kids will say about me if I die. Will they say she was full of joy?  Probably not right now, but I hope so as I keep working on it.  I pray for my voice to become softer and God's joy to become stronger, my controlling to subside and God's joy to abound, my anger to vanish and God's joy be all that's left.  

I had my Carmelite meeting today.  Guess what the topic was?  Joy in the Religious Life.  It was a wonderful talk.  When I was on my way out, I was walking with a gentleman from the group.  I told him how I started praying for God's joy instead of trying to change things that I didn't think were going well in my life.  He said that it was a serendipitous talk for me then, and I agreed.  He told me to look up the original Serenity Prayer that the Alcoholic's Anonymous Serenity Prayer is taken from.  He said it's a really good prayer in it's entirety.  I didn't even know there was more to it.  Here it is.

Ain't that something?