My name is Nora, and I am an iPhone addict. Part of this has to do with the fact that I can get Pinterest on it. That's just begging for trouble. I had already noticed that I'm too attached to my phone before reading the posts and had been making a conscious effort to not have my phone on me as much. I've noticed that school goes a lot smoother. ;)
So showing up is being in the present moment which for me, a planner, is REALLY hard. I'm always two steps ahead of whatever I'm doing at the current time. At first I thought I wasn't really missing anything. I told myself that the people who wrote these posts don't have my kids. I was loving them, noticing them, and getting along just fine. But once I let their words steep some, I became AWARE.
My first instance of this was when Kaelyn got home one night. Sometimes she sits in the living room to tell me something and honestly, I'm normally on the computer when she does. So I pay attention to her, but also to what I'm doing. I multitask. What's wrong with that? I can still HEAR her. It doesn't matter if I miss a sentence or two, I get the gist of what she's saying. Right?
This night when Kaelyn came home and sat down, I closed the computer. I maintained eye contact and LISTENED to one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. I was aware of how many expressions of mine she has, how we have the exact same sense of humor, how her eyes perfectly match the color of her hair. I can't tell you if I would've thought the story was that funny if I hadn't shown up, since I would've been looking at the computer screen and not her animation while telling it. And I got this awesome warm, fuzzy feeling when I went to bed after her story.
Another time, Marley was going to the bathroom for the umpteenth millionth time one evening, and I would normally be impatient and angry because it was past her bedtime...AGAIN. I was AWARE I was feeling frustrated, so I breathed, and I made a choice. I started stroking her back and gave her a smile. We had a nice little chat rather than me standing there blowing out frustrated sighs and making her feel bad for having to potty. Once I realized that she wasn't doing it on purpose and had no control over the timing of her bladder (and that the world wasn't going to explode because it was now 13 minutes past her bedtime) it wasn't so bad. I saved myself that stress that I never realized was there before. And when she looked at me while I was sitting next to her stroking her back, I noticed a twinkle in her eye. I can't describe it, but it felt like we were SEEING each other for the first time.
The main realization in all of this is that it does go by so fast, and if I'm just now showing up, it hurts to think of what else I've missed. I feel bad and guilty, but that's another post. For now, I'm going to keep working here...in the present...doing my ABC's. When I do I see that I have a pretty great life and this warm fuzzy feeling isn't so bad either.
I thought for sure you would put in there "Thunder Commander" instead of KJ. That is, for the record, the first time Nora has ever called me that.
ReplyDeleteI agree about the computer/phone addiction. It's just easier than doing anything else. We did get something else the other day that isn't electric :)) major wow guys. Nora will prolly blog about it so I don't want to give it away to the other person who reads my comments. If Nora thought she had it bad that no one reads her blogs think about how I feel being the lone commenter. :)