It never fails this time of year, I get caught up in the whirlwind of everything I want to be. I feel that Lent is the only time I am scrupulous enough to try and change things that just seem too hard during the normal seasons of the year. Then I go too hard, get burnt out, and worry that I'm going to hell because I caved on a sacrifice. True.story.every.year.
While I recognize this familiar rhythm about myself, I do nothing to change it. I want it all, and I want it for Jesus..or so I say. Unfortunately when I do this, Jesus is just an excuse, scapegoat, reason, scare tactic, etc. I feel too weak to just change for the better because it will be good for me. I need stronger motivation. I'm hoping to change this since I'm realizing it, but I'm not there yet, so here is my launch into another 40 days.
I'm only doing one class at the gym tonight to come home and prepare the lenten wreath of toothpicks. Our family will quietly remove toothpicks as they make selfless sacrifices. For kids this might mean not whining or complaining when doing something, or doing a chore for their sibling without being asked. For the grown-ups, it's a personal decision with each pull. We don't share and announce our holiness to one another. This year I will make the holes for the toothpicks bigger, so we can actually get them out of the hardened bread rather than break off the tips like last time.
Tomorrow will start my Whole30 journey of a stricter Paleo plan and prayer time in the mornings. To make sure my morning prayer times happen, I'll have to be getting to bed earlier, so we'll have to see what that looks like. The kids are starting a whole food journey that will be more of a sacrifice to Kevin and I than to them I think. I've given myself some leeway on this one because I can see it turning ugly real fast. I am striving to feed them healthier food than the box stuff I regularly provide out of convenience. It would be so much easier if they liked my paleo food. *sigh*
I will be attempting other personal things that I'm not going to share with anyone. Not only so that if/when I fail, no one will ridicule me, but it's between God and me. Typing all this I can't help but feel failures coming on, but I can do all things in Him who strengthens me.
I was going to type Happy Lent, but that doesn't seem right. How about Welcome Lent!?
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Lent is always hard ... it's supposed to be. Jesus was in the desert for 40 days with nothing being tempted by the evil one. We all deal with our own temptations during Lent and try to overcome them. We are not perfect like He was so we are going to fall. We have to recognize this about ourselves and own it. Hopefully we get better and better at not falling and trying to be more like Him. It's an awesome goal but not achievable by "man." Woman however ... haha.
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