What a dangerous emotion. Along with guilt, I experience it often. On Monday, Rory was invited to an "end of summer" swim party at her friend's house. Besides the fact that the house was amazing and beautiful, as they are in this neighborhood, their pool was the exact layout, color, everything I would want. It was one of those deep blue pools. It had a toddler pool that was roped off and had an umbrella coming out of the ground, so the littles didn't get burnt. It had a water slide into the pool that was cut into the rock landscaping around the pool. Their basement was huge with dress-up, ride along toys, even a see-saw!
The fact that my house is the size of their pool was only the start of my envy. Even though I try to pray it away or remember that we're a little younger than these people, it doesn't help. It's embarrassing admitting it. So what do I do? What do I do when my kids ask why we don't have a house like that? It hurts because when I was growing up, I didn't like my house either, so I feel like I know what they're feeling. I don't really expect any answers or solutions, but since I have no camera, this is what you get.
So...I'm going to try and clean and unclutter this house to the best of my ability. It would probably feel a lot bigger if I did. Plus, I want to make ALL the rooms ones you want to be in. I don't know how long this project will take, but I'm already starting on the living room. I would show a before picture now, but you'll just have to take my word for it.
PS-I'm hoping to get my camera back this weekend. Whew!
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I can relate (even though our house is good sized). I get kitchen envy when I am at some of my friends' homes. The first time I was at the house that you mention in your blog, I came away with much envy. But, I try to picture those people who have less...much less and then my attitude changes when I realize how blessed I really am.
ReplyDeleteI just get the guilt more than anything. Rory, for instance, prays every night for a bigger house and a puppy. While in my mind they go hand in hand. If I was "better" at work then I would make more and be able to afford more house. Then I think about what it would take to be "better" at work. It would take more hours at work and less with my kids. I don't want to do that of course. I want to be better at home and "worse", if you will, at work. There are so many moments that I have already missed and have to take secondhand accounts of what actually took place. Nora and I seem to be King and Queen of "poor timing" land. It's our own little kingdom that no one else seems to live in. I keep praying to be a better Father, Husband, Person ... hopefully one day I will get there?
ReplyDeleteNora & Kevin,
ReplyDeleteTwo paragraphs from ch. 3 in the book "bringing up Girls" by Dr. Dobson that reminded me of Kevin's comment: "I want to be better at home and "worse", if you will, at work."
"Let me acknowledge that successful family life is difficult to achieve. It is never perfect and is often problematic. I am sure you have your own set of challenges as you seek to meet the needs of your children. You may be a single parent with very limited financial resources. Perhaps you suffer from illness, disability, or addiction. Or maybe you have strong-willed kids who are tough to handle. The last thing I want to do is add to your pressures or sense of frustration. Nevertheless, if there is any way you can give priority to your children amid those limitations, even if it requires serious sacrifice, you will not regret giving it to them.
This might mean staying married when your impulse is to divorce. It could cause you to make choices that will handicap you professionally. It might mean financial hardship for the family because Mom is staying at home with her children. It might mean giving up your four-hour golf outing every Saturday. What I am saying is that from where I sit today, children are worth everything they cost us." (pg. 21 & 22)
- Beckie